Two Years and Counting...

OK, so today's an anniversary for me - two years sober.

St. Patrick's Day is an odd holiday for me as it marks the anniversary of the last time I drank (and got shit-faced and all sorts of other bad stuff). I remember waking up two years and knowing that the odds for me making it through my 30s alive would be greatly increased if I stopped drinking.

I've definitely been tempted now and again and I do also miss liqour. Especially whiskey and gin, my favorites. I also miss the warmth that booze can bring to get-togethers. It really is a good ice breaker and if I genuinely thought I was the sort of person who could regularly stop after a drink or two, I'd be drinking today.

And sometimes I would stop after 1 or 2. The problem was that it was a crap shoot and the results of not stopping were getting more and more out of control and offering less and less joy.

My relationship with Noel is a whole hell of a lot better without me coming home smashed all the time. I also spend a lot less time regretting things that I've done. I remember all those "morning after"s where all the shit I'd done would come back to me in fragments.

These days I've cut most caffeine out of my diet, so my idea of a "wild time" is to knock back an espresso or two. It messes with my sleep schedule but causes much less of a fuss overall.

I'm definitely happy with my decision. The recovery phase seems to be largely over, but it took a long time. Getting over a lifestyle ain't easy and it took me a while to learn how to feel joy and openess. Yoga was a huge part of my recovery and has become (obviously) a huge part of my life. Don't know where I'd be without it (definitely more bored and less happy).

OK, I'll leave you with a little glimpse into the past, a journal entry I wrote on my other private blog 3/27/2006 about the night. I've removed some personal info that was never meant to be seen by anyone, but didn't change or edit any of the words.


3/17/06 was a bad night for me, my knee still hurts. It was the last night I drank, I gave up drinking the next morning. Hauled home by the police, my knee fucked up and bleeding from falling down outdoor concrete stairs and I passed out in front of the Metal-matix building. It's been over a week, the knee is scabbing finally and I've done fine not drinking. Obviously what I am writing here, right now, isn't meant to be read until later and is never meant to be edited. It is weird not drinking, so much of my personality has been wrapped up in that one single action for almost 7 years now (though there was a year that I took off, so the time isn't cumulative). I didn't start drinking, really, until I was 25. Before that, in Bellingham, I'd have a couple at a show or go out with my buddy Rich and have a microbrew beer or two, but that was about it. I got shit-faced once at Marcia's party, she was this girl I worked at the record store with. I was performing that night and she made it a personal mission to get me drunk. I did, though there was no real blackout point. Over the last few years I've had plenty of blackout points, there's probably a month of cumulative time that I've lost to blackout. I'm sure some of that was spent passed out, but a lot of it wasn't. It's weird. Once I turned 25 it was really when I went to Ann Arbor, MI for Borders Office Coordinator training that I really started drinking. I decided gin and tonic was my drink of choice, I picked it for the comedy value and because gin had been the crack of the late 19th century.

Well, I started drinking heavy and putting the tab on the company's dime and spent most of my 3 days there smashed out of my skull. I felt like I was the "cool kid" and shortly thereafter I called Nick, who I'd sold a Foetus CD to, and we started going out to the goth/industrial clubs regularly and having our drinks, a whiskey sour for Nick and a gin and tonic for me.

I don't regret drinking at all, it took me out of other side of the fence thinking and got me looser, more able to cope with social situations and not stress.

Gary Gygax R.I.P.

OK, so I read the news that Gary Gygax passed away. If you're a nerd of a certain age you'll know who Gary is. If you're not a nerd or too young/old let me just say that Gary is the man who created Dungeon's & Dragons.

When I was about 8 years old my life was composed of four primary elements: Marvel Comics, Dr. Who, G.I. Joe and D&D.

I never actually played very much D&D at that age. Occasionally my older brothers would let me in on a game but they were considerably older and, I imagine, concerned that I'd tell on them for swearing and other such "bad behavior". Of course, not playing much didn't keep me from pouring over the books, especially The Monster Manual, with my friends. I also made endless characters with an assortment of names that only I thought were funny.

The only time I really did role-play regularly was when I was in my late teens in Eau Claire. There was a group of guys who got together weekly. We played Champions, a super hero role playing game and had a great time with it. I wasn't as social of a dude back then as I am now, so every chance to get out was a good thing. It was an odd group composed of uber-nerds and frat boys alike, but it had a good group dynamic.

I had a lot of fun back then and the guy who ran the group was really good. When he moved away my buddy Shawn and I would run a few adventures here and there but mostly we focused on playing Warhammer 40,000 and other board games.

Since then, I've tried playing various Role Playing games a few times but none of the groups I've played with had that "old magic" and, quite frankly, I just don't have the time. These games take a lot of time and I'd rather be playing music, doing yoga, playing Wii, etc.

I did want to write a little note here to thank Gary Gygax for all the joy he brought to nerds the world over!

More Normaler

My theories and thoughts used to be a lot more frenzied and strange. I'm sure there are those who'd consider a chunk of what I think these days is pretty "out there" but it's nothing compared to the old days. But the thing is - I can get further these days with less. Further in life, further towards present mindedness, further into happiness, etc. That's kind of nice, it means things don't always have to be a struggle anymore.

Very best

DND

Depraved Lust for Fame Fuels Orgy of Verbiage

So, I've gone and got a blog huh... Well, the rent's cheap and there's not a lot of maintenance required, so why not? I've toyed with the idea over at Myspace but that turned into more of a surrealist poetry/comedy blog than a proper "here's what's going on in my life" sort of affair. After reading a lot of hoopala about Diablo Cody (who used to live across the parking lot from me and Noel back in our SLP daze), I got to thinking about the whole blog sensation. Of course I'm five years late to the trend and I'm not a stripper so the glaring spotlight of fame will probably miss me but who needs fame?

Who needs fame? Certainly not the legions of doom who inhabit the stages of run down rock clubs nor, least of all the Myspace cases who've found their fifteen minutes in a virtual Pokemon "collect 'em all" style orgy of friend requests and definitely not me. I’m nothing like those fame obsessed losers who populate “reality” TV shows who’ll do anything to get their face slapped on the boob tube.

Oh well, I'd better come clean - I've absolutely got a vigorous lust for fame. It's been a major motivating factor of my life. It's exciting to watch the constant struggle between how much I want fame and how much I'm willing to give up for it. It's my own personal tug of war match between the lily-white angel perched on my right shoulder and the crimson red 'lil devil on the left.

As I get older and more locked into my comfort it becomes harder to gamble it all but I still make my bids for limelight though they're a lot less "life and death" these days. I have this sneaking suspicion that I'll be happy about the same percentage of time whether or not I have magazine editors wanting to interview me.

So yeah, the fame lust is still there but it doesn't control me. I think that a blog might be a healthy way to have fun with the idea and maybe bleed a little of the juice out of it while I'm at it. Plus I'll get to babble about music I'm listening to, movies I'm watching, yoga flows I'm working on and all that sort of hoo-ha, which is also fun.

That’s enough from me for now. It's great to have you along for the ride!

Be good to each other.

David Not David